Bad habits are hard to break, but there are some steps you can take to stop sabotaging your own dreams.
The Australian Filipina writer Michelle Baltazar attended a masterclass session titled 'Skirting Leadership or Stepping Up?' by business strategy expert Suzanne Mercier.
Suzanne Mercier talks about the imposter syndrome
In this two-hour session, Mercier spoke about how seven in 10 women suffer from the imposter syndrome: that distorted belief that you don't deserve the success you've achieved or that people think you're talented when you're really not.
Mercier said that this perception that you're a fraud or a fake is so ingrained in our minds that when opportunities come in our career or personal lives, we respond exactly the same way: we think we're not good enough and end up sabotaging those opportunities.
While lifetime responses and behaviour are hard to break, Mercier shares some tips. They sound so obvious but few practice them consistently. Here they are:
1) Become aware of where you limit yourself - write down your strengths and weaknesses. Try doing that for a week. Write down three of your positive traits every day.
Mercier said that most women would have a longer list of flaws than positives. Don't limit yourself by focusing on your weaknesses.
2) Don't take it personally - people often interpret the same event differently. This means that sometimes, what you thought was disrespectful wasn't a personal attack on you at all. Best to clarify and communicate before you react. Remember, 99% of the time, people are thinking about themselves, not you.
3) Build a strong foundation - this can be on anything - your personal relationships, your career or even your personal interests. As the old saying goes, you get what you put in. Once you've invested time and effort on something, it's hard to feel like you're an imposter when you know you've put in the work.
4) Push the boundaries - get out of your comfort zone. Mercier said that given the same opportunity or promotion, a man would push forward while a woman would lean back, even if the woman is more qualified than the man. Don't be afraid of success. Wade in. The water's warm.
5) Increase emotional resilience - this is probably the least of any Australian-Filipina's problems. Resilience is built into the Filipino gene. Unless your balat-sibuyas (onion-skinned), in which case, just be aware that you're easily hurt and remind yourself of step number two: don't take it personally.
Suzanne Mercier is an expert in business strategy, employee engagement, communication and the development of human potential. She was a guest at the Association of Financial Advisers (AFA) annual conference on the Gold Coast this week. Find out more on www.liberateleadership.com